This week Wallace and I had a lot of firsts. It was the first time we drove in the car without Bryan (I invested in a mirror for the backseat and realized I am slowly turning the Prius into a mom-mobile). It was the first time we went shopping together and it was the first time that Wallace was in the care of someone else.
I am not sure what the rules are on the first time to trust a babysitter but for us it came out of necessity as Bryan and I both had something going on this past Tuesday and it happened to be my dear friend Laura's village night (more on the village soon). Laura is one of the few people that I trust with my child so this seemed to be the perfect night for a babysitting trial.
On Tuesday, as I was getting ready to leave, it began to rain. I will admit I had a few irrational thoughts since it rarely rains in LA and the ability of drivers diminishes significantly. Then I remembered that I would only be 3 miles away and would be gone less than two hours. This was all the justification I needed so, in my pre-pregnancy pants, I headed out.
During my time away, Laura eased my worried mind with photos and status updates of her and Wally. I also passed the time by eating too many chocolate chip cookies and having a glass of wine. While I was enjoying the gathering, I realized how independent I started to feel. Sure, the only thing I talked about was my birth, diapers, breast feeding and baby feet but I was having wine and talking with adults! It was liberating and I felt like my old self.
Just before two hours had passed, I felt it was time to leave so with a cookie in hand, I said my goodbyes and headed home. Feeling elated as I was driving with the windows down in the rain, the Outkast song "Hey y'all" came on. This took me back to being 19 and taking road trips with my college friends. I turned the music up loud and danced in the car and although I was not heading to a college party, it was a big moment and I was truly happy.
Leaving Wally for the first time filled me with mixed emotions. I didn't feel guilty but I guess I felt bad for not feeling bad. As new mothers, we can get caught up with all sorts of standards put on us by society. It's hard to put the books down and feel it out but if something feels safe and okay for you, do it, it will most likely be fine. Our lives do not have to stop once we have children and everyone around you, including baby is going to be way happier if you are taking time for yourself.
Cheers to new mothers and getting back to your old self.