A few weeks ago I started a segment called Wellness Wednesday. This is a place where I will post wellness tips that benefit me or ways that I am inspired to live a healthier life. This week I decided to post about my mental wellness and specifically, the importance of solitude.
I have been in a real funk over the last couple of weeks and while I am normally able to counterbalance negative feelings by eating well and exercising, this time it has been a little difficult to bounce back. After a few down days, I starting taking inventory of my life and making note of what was working and what wasn't. I evaluated my work, family, friendships, eating regimen, exercise routine, and relationship with my husband. Most everything seemed to check out but then I realized that aside from driving to jobs, I have not had any time alone since Wallace was born. I have not been investing in the most important relationship in my life, the relationship I have with myself.
*I know now that I am a mother, the most important person is supposed to be my son but I truly believe that it starts with you. If I have a healthy relationship with myself it will flow into the relationship that I have with my husband and if he and I are solid, our relationship with our children will be stronger. This is something that I am trying to implement into our lives.
Prior to having a baby, I loved solitude and spent much time alone both inside and out of the home. It was during this time that I would reflect on my purpose, establish goals, evaluate my progress, meditate, manifest, and work on creative projects. I haven't taken that time for myself in over ten months. My inner voice is soft and uncertain. I can't remember the last time I ruminated on a struggle and worked it out on my own. I have been living without understanding of myself and have been walking without intention. It's like my best friend has become just a roommate and we only see each other in passing, to chat about bills. I fear that I am losing myself and I love myself too much to let the relationship dwindle. Me and Myself are getting back together. I am going to start to date me again. I remember a time when I would take myself to fancy coffee and we would sit and read a book inside of a cute cafe. I love cute cafes and I need fancy coffee.
Today was the first day of a nanny share that I am starting with a friend and I had three entire hours to do whatever I chose. I got to cook in my kitchen, read emails, shower without a baby inside the bathroom, and I was able to enjoy our home alone. It was a perfect first date for a rekindling. I know that I have a lot of work to do before I will trust myself again. I have an entire year of neglect to work through but I am starting slow and hope that my inner voice will begin to trust me again.
On Friday I will drop Wallace off for his second day at the nanny share and I think this time, I will take myself for a fancy coffee.